Understanding Spiritual Mentoring
Some definitions of mentoring
Mentoring is a relational experience through which one person empowers another by sharing God-given resources. (Stanley and Clinton Connecting p 33)
Christian mentoring is a dynamic, intentional relationship of trust in which one person enables another to maximise the grace of God in their life and service. (Mallison Mentoring to Develop Disciples and Leaders p 8)
Mentoring is a relational experience through which one person enables another to progress towards reaching their full potential in Christ, by sharing God-given resources. (Mine, based on the above.)
What mentoring is not
· Not just ‘sharing together’ about anything
· Not one person fixing all the other’s problems
· Not about power over someone, or running another person’s life
· Not about producing a‘clone’ of oneself
· Not just about imparting knowledge, even biblical knowledge
· Not about finding a‘servant’ to help with ministry tasks
Value of an intentional mentoring relationship
· It is a sound, biblical way of helping others develop and grow to maturity.
· One-on-one modelling and accountability from a leader one respects, has the greatest potential to bring about
change in a person’s life.
· Input can easily be tailored to be of maximum benefit to the mentoree.
· Mentor and mentoree can meet in different ways and different times.
· Often, although the mentoring relationship may be for a specific time, a lasting friendship is formed.
· Mutual impact and change is possible in such a relationship.
Different types of mentoring
Mentoring may vary in formality and intentionality, in length, in style, or in purpose. It will differ from, but may at times include discipling, spiritual direction, coaching, pastoral care, counselling, teaching, advocacy, and modelling.
So… many people already are mentoring in some way at least, through parenting, teaching, discipling, leading a group, being a friend etc.
Mentoring is a relational experience through which one person empowers another by sharing God-given resources. (Stanley and Clinton Connecting p 33)
Christian mentoring is a dynamic, intentional relationship of trust in which one person enables another to maximise the grace of God in their life and service. (Mallison Mentoring to Develop Disciples and Leaders p 8)
Mentoring is a relational experience through which one person enables another to progress towards reaching their full potential in Christ, by sharing God-given resources. (Mine, based on the above.)
What mentoring is not
· Not just ‘sharing together’ about anything
· Not one person fixing all the other’s problems
· Not about power over someone, or running another person’s life
· Not about producing a‘clone’ of oneself
· Not just about imparting knowledge, even biblical knowledge
· Not about finding a‘servant’ to help with ministry tasks
Value of an intentional mentoring relationship
· It is a sound, biblical way of helping others develop and grow to maturity.
· One-on-one modelling and accountability from a leader one respects, has the greatest potential to bring about
change in a person’s life.
· Input can easily be tailored to be of maximum benefit to the mentoree.
· Mentor and mentoree can meet in different ways and different times.
· Often, although the mentoring relationship may be for a specific time, a lasting friendship is formed.
· Mutual impact and change is possible in such a relationship.
Different types of mentoring
Mentoring may vary in formality and intentionality, in length, in style, or in purpose. It will differ from, but may at times include discipling, spiritual direction, coaching, pastoral care, counselling, teaching, advocacy, and modelling.
So… many people already are mentoring in some way at least, through parenting, teaching, discipling, leading a group, being a friend etc.
Differences between Christian mentoring, spiritual direction and other such processes
While I have attempted below to explain the terms listed, it is my observation and experience that in practice, rightly or wrongly, many of these overlap on occasions and are also sometimes used interchangeably. May the following clarify rather than further confuse!
Christian mentoring
Christian mentoring is a relational experience through which one person enables another to progress towards reaching their full potential in Christ, by sharing God-given resources, which could include time, wisdom, knowledge, experience, giftedness, as well as material resources such as books, CDs etc. Christian mentoring could also be described as an ongoing discipleship process in which one Christian shares in another’s journey of faith, observing what God is doing in that person’s life and being prepared to partner with God in that work. It usually involves intentionality and accountability, with specific goals in mind for the one being mentored.
Spiritual direction
It is often pointed out that spiritual direction is not about being‘directed’ to do or believe something. Rather, it is a process of discernment—a conversation in which a skilled spiritual director, working one-on-one with someone, can assist a person to pay attention to what God is doing or saying to them in their lives, to understand their deepest desires and to discover how they are being called to serve God in this world. It is an empowering process that focuses primarily on the person’s relationship with God and is possibly less interventionist and less involved in the practical outworking of this relationship in a person’s life than mentoring. Also, while a Christian mentor may share information about his or her own life with a person from time to time, this is usually not the case in spiritual direction.
Christian coaching
Usually, coaching refers to developing competency in a particular skill or task. However, the term ‘life coaching’ that has become popular in recent years has broadened the concept to include the idea of inspiring and motivating others to reach their full potential in life and achieve their goals. Christian coaching then is similar to Christian mentoring in that it focuses on helping a person grow in their faith and become all God purposes them to be via a relationship of trust and commitment and through example and dialogue.
Discipling
In Christian circles, this term has come to mean the initial imparting of biblical knowledge and theological understanding to a new Christian believer, along with training in basic practices of the Christian life. However, since discipleship is a lifelong process of learning to become more like Christ, if used in this sense, it could be used interchangeably with the term Christian mentoring.
Counselling
The purpose of counselling is to deal with a specific problem in a person’s life that is hindering them from functioning well and to move on from there. While such problems may be encountered during Christian mentoring, this is not the main focus of mentoring, which is centred on what God is doing in a person’s life. In a mentoring or discipling relationship, if such a problem persists, the person may be referred to a qualified counsellor for a period.
Pastoral care
Pastoral care is most widely used in a church context and has come to mean the activity undertaken within this community to offer spiritual and/or practical help to someone in a difficult situation. Like counselling, it tends to be problem focused, whereas mentoring is much more proactive and focused on God’s purposes for the person’s life. The basic meaning of this term involves the role of a ‘pastor’ or ‘shepherd’—that of watching out for the general welfare of the sheep.
Soul care
This is a more generic term that is sometimes used in connection with spiritual direction to describe what is happening when a person pays attention to the state of their soul and to what is taking place deep inside them. However, it is also used at times in a more remedial sense in the context of pastoral care or counselling to describe the healing and encouragement being provided.
Spiritual friendship/spiritual companionship
These terms imply a less formal relationship than mentoring or spiritual direction with no formal goals or accountability. A spiritual friendship can form between peers or between those at different stages of their spiritual journey and involves heart to heart sharing of the things God is teaching and showing each person, as well as prayer for each other.
Soul friendship
This term comes from Celtic Christianity around the seventh century in Britain and Ireland and is similar to the concepts of‘spiritual friendship’ and ‘spiritual companionship’. The Gaelic term ‘anam cara’ or ‘soul friend’ refers to someone who is willing to walk beside you in your spiritual journey, noting what God is doing in your life, listening to you, praying for you and also sharing their godly wisdom with you when necessary. Being a soul friend then has much in common with being a mentor or spiritual director.
Christian mentoring
Christian mentoring is a relational experience through which one person enables another to progress towards reaching their full potential in Christ, by sharing God-given resources, which could include time, wisdom, knowledge, experience, giftedness, as well as material resources such as books, CDs etc. Christian mentoring could also be described as an ongoing discipleship process in which one Christian shares in another’s journey of faith, observing what God is doing in that person’s life and being prepared to partner with God in that work. It usually involves intentionality and accountability, with specific goals in mind for the one being mentored.
Spiritual direction
It is often pointed out that spiritual direction is not about being‘directed’ to do or believe something. Rather, it is a process of discernment—a conversation in which a skilled spiritual director, working one-on-one with someone, can assist a person to pay attention to what God is doing or saying to them in their lives, to understand their deepest desires and to discover how they are being called to serve God in this world. It is an empowering process that focuses primarily on the person’s relationship with God and is possibly less interventionist and less involved in the practical outworking of this relationship in a person’s life than mentoring. Also, while a Christian mentor may share information about his or her own life with a person from time to time, this is usually not the case in spiritual direction.
Christian coaching
Usually, coaching refers to developing competency in a particular skill or task. However, the term ‘life coaching’ that has become popular in recent years has broadened the concept to include the idea of inspiring and motivating others to reach their full potential in life and achieve their goals. Christian coaching then is similar to Christian mentoring in that it focuses on helping a person grow in their faith and become all God purposes them to be via a relationship of trust and commitment and through example and dialogue.
Discipling
In Christian circles, this term has come to mean the initial imparting of biblical knowledge and theological understanding to a new Christian believer, along with training in basic practices of the Christian life. However, since discipleship is a lifelong process of learning to become more like Christ, if used in this sense, it could be used interchangeably with the term Christian mentoring.
Counselling
The purpose of counselling is to deal with a specific problem in a person’s life that is hindering them from functioning well and to move on from there. While such problems may be encountered during Christian mentoring, this is not the main focus of mentoring, which is centred on what God is doing in a person’s life. In a mentoring or discipling relationship, if such a problem persists, the person may be referred to a qualified counsellor for a period.
Pastoral care
Pastoral care is most widely used in a church context and has come to mean the activity undertaken within this community to offer spiritual and/or practical help to someone in a difficult situation. Like counselling, it tends to be problem focused, whereas mentoring is much more proactive and focused on God’s purposes for the person’s life. The basic meaning of this term involves the role of a ‘pastor’ or ‘shepherd’—that of watching out for the general welfare of the sheep.
Soul care
This is a more generic term that is sometimes used in connection with spiritual direction to describe what is happening when a person pays attention to the state of their soul and to what is taking place deep inside them. However, it is also used at times in a more remedial sense in the context of pastoral care or counselling to describe the healing and encouragement being provided.
Spiritual friendship/spiritual companionship
These terms imply a less formal relationship than mentoring or spiritual direction with no formal goals or accountability. A spiritual friendship can form between peers or between those at different stages of their spiritual journey and involves heart to heart sharing of the things God is teaching and showing each person, as well as prayer for each other.
Soul friendship
This term comes from Celtic Christianity around the seventh century in Britain and Ireland and is similar to the concepts of‘spiritual friendship’ and ‘spiritual companionship’. The Gaelic term ‘anam cara’ or ‘soul friend’ refers to someone who is willing to walk beside you in your spiritual journey, noting what God is doing in your life, listening to you, praying for you and also sharing their godly wisdom with you when necessary. Being a soul friend then has much in common with being a mentor or spiritual director.
Finding a Spiritual Mentor
The approach you may take in seeking out a spiritual mentor or spiritual director or embarking on any sort of relationship designed to help you grow spiritually will vary according to what sort of relationship you are looking for. Below, however, are some specific ways to help you find such a person and also some general guidelines to keep in mind when doing so.
· Pray! Ask God to lead you to the person who will ‘fit’ best with you and help you the most at this stage of your spiritual journey.
· Observe Christian leaders you admire and consider approaching them.
· Listen to advice and recommendations from Christian friends and church leaders.
· Approach mentoring and spiritual direction networks for suggestions. The following websites may help:
For finding a potential mentor:
The Australian Christian Mentoring Network
See the ‘Can we help you?’ page for a link to the Australian Christian Mentoring Network's LinkedIn page, where you will find a list of the Network's members.
The Mentor Exchange
Contact John Mark Ministries via the above site or via the details on www.johnmark.net.au. Tim Dyer may be able to help you link up with someone trained through John Mark Ministries mentor training program.
For finding a potential spiritual director:
The Australian Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Direction
See the ‘Looking for a Director?’ page of their website, which links to a list of ‘Spirituality Services’, as well as representatives of spiritual direction organisations and formation programs who may be able to help you find someone in your area.
The Australian Network for Spiritual Direction
A list of spiritual directs can be found here as well as other valuable information about spiritual direction.
Further general guidelines in seeking out a potential mentor
Think carefully about what guidance you feel you need at this stage of your spiritual journey and consider whether your potential mentor will be able to help you with this through who they are and through the resources at their disposal. You may not know clearly what you need at first, however—it may be up to your mentor to help you discern this.
Observe whether your potential mentor is respected and consulted by others and whether this person models what he or she teaches.
Ask yourself whether your potential mentor is both willing to listen well and also share from his or her wisdom and experience with you.
Try to sense whether your potential mentor sincerely believes in you and is concerned about your interests, wellbeing and spiritual development. Will he or she be committed to the mentoring relationship and be prepared to hold you accountable where necessary?
· Pray! Ask God to lead you to the person who will ‘fit’ best with you and help you the most at this stage of your spiritual journey.
· Observe Christian leaders you admire and consider approaching them.
· Listen to advice and recommendations from Christian friends and church leaders.
· Approach mentoring and spiritual direction networks for suggestions. The following websites may help:
For finding a potential mentor:
The Australian Christian Mentoring Network
See the ‘Can we help you?’ page for a link to the Australian Christian Mentoring Network's LinkedIn page, where you will find a list of the Network's members.
The Mentor Exchange
Contact John Mark Ministries via the above site or via the details on www.johnmark.net.au. Tim Dyer may be able to help you link up with someone trained through John Mark Ministries mentor training program.
For finding a potential spiritual director:
The Australian Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Direction
See the ‘Looking for a Director?’ page of their website, which links to a list of ‘Spirituality Services’, as well as representatives of spiritual direction organisations and formation programs who may be able to help you find someone in your area.
The Australian Network for Spiritual Direction
A list of spiritual directs can be found here as well as other valuable information about spiritual direction.
Further general guidelines in seeking out a potential mentor
Think carefully about what guidance you feel you need at this stage of your spiritual journey and consider whether your potential mentor will be able to help you with this through who they are and through the resources at their disposal. You may not know clearly what you need at first, however—it may be up to your mentor to help you discern this.
Observe whether your potential mentor is respected and consulted by others and whether this person models what he or she teaches.
Ask yourself whether your potential mentor is both willing to listen well and also share from his or her wisdom and experience with you.
Try to sense whether your potential mentor sincerely believes in you and is concerned about your interests, wellbeing and spiritual development. Will he or she be committed to the mentoring relationship and be prepared to hold you accountable where necessary?
Mentoring/spiritual direction networks and training programs
The Mentoring Network
A network of Christian mentors who cooperate together to:
· Train aspiring mentors by holding training events that provide a basic grounding in spiritual mentoring
and supplying presenters who can come to an event or training institution.
· Provide ongoing development for those engaged in spiritual mentoring through annual forums featuring specialist input
and peer learning, with a special focus on developing mentors who can mentor transformational Christian leaders.
· Act as a point of reference for Christian leaders seeking a mentor by vouching for the integrity of those in relationship
with the Network.
· Be an advocate for mentoring by raising awareness of the need for and benefits of spiritual mentoring, particularly for
Christian leaders, and by encouraging the sharing of resources between those involved in spiritual mentoring.
The Mentor Exchange
· Part of the resource sharing of John Mark Ministries (Tas) run by Tim Dyer—see http://johnmark.net.au/jm/;
· Provides information on the three year mentor equipping training programs it runs;
· Shares mentoring resources with those primarily trained through John Mark Ministries, but much of the site open to
anyone interested in mentoring within a Christian Ministry framework.
The Australian Network for Spiritual Direction
The Network exists to:
· encourage spiritual directors in their work
· provide regular gatherings and newsletters for their care and nurture
· support national, regional and local training programs
The Australian Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Direction
AECSD serves the Australian spiritual direction community by:
· encouraging spiritual direction formation programs
· promoting local and national events
· linking spiritual directors with regional and national associations
· advising people who are looking for a spiritual director how to find a director near them
NB: For more information about other national and state spiritual direction organisations and also for information about various spiritual formation programs available, please explore the AECSD website.
A network of Christian mentors who cooperate together to:
· Train aspiring mentors by holding training events that provide a basic grounding in spiritual mentoring
and supplying presenters who can come to an event or training institution.
· Provide ongoing development for those engaged in spiritual mentoring through annual forums featuring specialist input
and peer learning, with a special focus on developing mentors who can mentor transformational Christian leaders.
· Act as a point of reference for Christian leaders seeking a mentor by vouching for the integrity of those in relationship
with the Network.
· Be an advocate for mentoring by raising awareness of the need for and benefits of spiritual mentoring, particularly for
Christian leaders, and by encouraging the sharing of resources between those involved in spiritual mentoring.
The Mentor Exchange
· Part of the resource sharing of John Mark Ministries (Tas) run by Tim Dyer—see http://johnmark.net.au/jm/;
· Provides information on the three year mentor equipping training programs it runs;
· Shares mentoring resources with those primarily trained through John Mark Ministries, but much of the site open to
anyone interested in mentoring within a Christian Ministry framework.
The Australian Network for Spiritual Direction
The Network exists to:
· encourage spiritual directors in their work
· provide regular gatherings and newsletters for their care and nurture
· support national, regional and local training programs
The Australian Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Direction
AECSD serves the Australian spiritual direction community by:
· encouraging spiritual direction formation programs
· promoting local and national events
· linking spiritual directors with regional and national associations
· advising people who are looking for a spiritual director how to find a director near them
NB: For more information about other national and state spiritual direction organisations and also for information about various spiritual formation programs available, please explore the AECSD website.
Suggested Reading on Mentoring
You can buy any of these books on mentoring and spiritual direction via my Amazon page here.
Lewis, Rick Mentoring Matters, Oxford, Monarch, 2009
Guenther, Margaret, Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, London, Darton, Longman and Todd, 1993
Leech, Kenneth, Soul Friend, New York, Morehouse, 2001
Caliguire, Mindy, Soul Care: Spiritual Friendship, Downers Grove, InterVarsity Press, 2007
Stanley, Paul and Clinton, Robert Connecting, Colorado Springs, NavPress, 1992
Collins, Gary Christian Coaching, Colorado Springs, NavPress, 2001
Maxwell, John C and Dornan, Jim Becoming a Person of Influence, Nashville, Thomas Nelson, 1997
Hendricks, Howard and William As Iron Sharpens Iron, Chicago, Moody Press, 1995
Mallison, John Mentoring to Develop Disciples and Leaders, Adelaide, Scripture Union and Open Book, 1998
Peterson, Eugene The Wisdom of Each Other, A Conversation Between Spiritual Friends, Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 1998
Peterson, Eugene The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction, Grand Rapids, Eerdmans, 1989
Peterson, Eugene Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity, Grand Rapids, Eerdmans, 1987
Powell, Cliff and Barker, Graham Unloading the Overload, Sydney, Strand Publishing, 1998
Wuellner, Flora Slosson Feed My Shepherds: Spiritual Healing and Renewal for Those in Christian Leadership, Nashville, Upper Room, 1998
Nouwen, Henri Out of Solitude, Notre Dame, Ave Maria Press, 1974
Benner, David The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery, Downers Grove, InterVarsity Press, 2004
Seamands, David Freedom from the Performance Trap: Letting Go of the Need to Achieve, Wheaton, Victor Books, 1988
Cloud, Henry and Townsend, John Boundaries, Sydney, Strand Publishing, 1996
Cameron, Julia The Artist’s Way: A Course in Discovering and Recovering your Creative Self, London, Pan, 1992
Lewis, Rick Mentoring Matters, Oxford, Monarch, 2009
Guenther, Margaret, Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, London, Darton, Longman and Todd, 1993
Leech, Kenneth, Soul Friend, New York, Morehouse, 2001
Caliguire, Mindy, Soul Care: Spiritual Friendship, Downers Grove, InterVarsity Press, 2007
Stanley, Paul and Clinton, Robert Connecting, Colorado Springs, NavPress, 1992
Collins, Gary Christian Coaching, Colorado Springs, NavPress, 2001
Maxwell, John C and Dornan, Jim Becoming a Person of Influence, Nashville, Thomas Nelson, 1997
Hendricks, Howard and William As Iron Sharpens Iron, Chicago, Moody Press, 1995
Mallison, John Mentoring to Develop Disciples and Leaders, Adelaide, Scripture Union and Open Book, 1998
Peterson, Eugene The Wisdom of Each Other, A Conversation Between Spiritual Friends, Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 1998
Peterson, Eugene The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction, Grand Rapids, Eerdmans, 1989
Peterson, Eugene Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity, Grand Rapids, Eerdmans, 1987
Powell, Cliff and Barker, Graham Unloading the Overload, Sydney, Strand Publishing, 1998
Wuellner, Flora Slosson Feed My Shepherds: Spiritual Healing and Renewal for Those in Christian Leadership, Nashville, Upper Room, 1998
Nouwen, Henri Out of Solitude, Notre Dame, Ave Maria Press, 1974
Benner, David The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery, Downers Grove, InterVarsity Press, 2004
Seamands, David Freedom from the Performance Trap: Letting Go of the Need to Achieve, Wheaton, Victor Books, 1988
Cloud, Henry and Townsend, John Boundaries, Sydney, Strand Publishing, 1996
Cameron, Julia The Artist’s Way: A Course in Discovering and Recovering your Creative Self, London, Pan, 1992